I just saw a hot homeless man
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
