I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
