nut hugger
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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