I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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