I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
