I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
