I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize