who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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