I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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