at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize