you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
