I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
