I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
