sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
