Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
