Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
