I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
