Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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