don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
