omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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