im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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