After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
