Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
