i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
