ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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