It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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