Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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