There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
