y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
