I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
