In the future we'll all be gay
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
