Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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