apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
