He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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