what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
