I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
