Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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