Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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