I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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