But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
