A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
