peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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