Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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