also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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