You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
