; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
