Your face is a jimmy john
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize