I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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