The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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