It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
