he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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