Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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