I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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