Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
