hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize