Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
