I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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