If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
whose parrot is this?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
